Heart

~MAY IS HER MONTH~

"FACING HER", CME-2007
(click on image for close-up)

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For My Mother...
who helped me to become who I am today.
Happy Mother's Day

BLOOD RELATIONS

Today I worked on the Mother's Day Collage you can see above. (click on the image for close up)
Compared to the art I usually do, it seemed like it would be a breeze! But, I got pretty caught up in it.

Because of a recent healing issue, it had come to the forefront that perhaps I had some healing to do with my mother. In accessing some memories and emotions in regard to childhood, the past, etc... one evening... a question was asked of me. "Where is this emotion in your body?" Feeling pressure around my eyes and in my temples, I answered..."It is all in my head". The humor and depth hit both my healing coach and myself.

Last night as I tried to sleep...I wondered if the "peace" regarding my mother issues was just all in my head. So, I decided to do something about it. The idea of a Mother's Day remembrance collage came to me. I thought it would be a nice gesture.

Today, I looked for pictures. I could find only pictures of her I when I was really little. Or, one or two as a teenager. I chose the earlier pictures. That was when she was still "mommy". Not "my mother". And before I decided, that even though I loved her...I did not really like her. Don't gasp...It's OK. She did not really like me, either. Also, at a very early age...I was aware of SPIRIT parents...that at times seemed more real to me than my earthly ones. Not because they were not loving, protective or "good parents". But the ones in SPIRIT simply made more "sense".

Anyway, I worked on the collage intermittently most of the afternoon. I was concerned that I do this with complete sincerity. I wanted it to be heart-felt... NOT just a nice gesture. And NOT just an art piece from in my head.

At one point, when I thought I was finally done...the computer froze and the art program I was working with "encountered a problem and had to close". You computer geeks know what I mean...and understand how annoying those little pop ups are when you are in the middle of something. But, for some reason, I took it well, even though I lost the whole thing.
So, I took a break to sit on the deck and smoke and think. My good friend was inside, cleaning and "re-vibing" the place with her miracle RAINBOW vacuum.

While on the deck I remembered that I wanted my little fairy fountain cleaned up so I could put it on the front porch. It looks very inviting at the front door. Even if you are not a fairy. :-)

I brought it into the house to clean it. Inside ...was an engraved glass MOTHER MARY statue. It was dirty and grimy from being out in the elements all Winter and Spring. I forgot it was there. So I got out my handy little scrubbing brush and started to remove the layers of grime.
This statue is THICK. Not china or the flimsy glass that many religious statues are made with. This was supposed to be used as a paperweight. Only a few moments into it...as I scrubbed the statue, it broke in my hand.
The section where Mary's head was engraved into the glass...broke off. The sharp glass cut me deeply on the inside of my ring finger on my left hand. The blood spurted..it did not drip...it spurted. And spurted. And spurted again.

"This might not be good"...I thought. I grabbed a cloth napkin that was on the counter and wrapped it very tightly around the finger and then the whole hand holding it with my other hand. I put my hand under cold water. Looking at Mary's Head in the sink, covered in my blood...I thought.."How interesting".
Then, it began to hurt. Like really hurt. My friend heard me...I think I moaned.
I could not think clearly anymore.

She came in to help. Apparently I looked pretty pathetic. The sweat just poured out of me like someone had dumped a bucket of water over my head....I got shaky and all my limbs were tingling. And I think I turned a greenish shade of gray. I felt a deep 'stress" in my heart chakra. I had anxiety-surges coming in... because I did not want to puke...or faint/fall and hurt myself more. I did not want to freak out my friend anymore than she was either.
Even though she was calm and cool and "kept "her head"...while she literally did everything she could think of...I felt she was a bit concerned, to say the least.

I drifted a little...I heard the word: MUSIC. I could not speak.
I "felt" about how many times I have felt this way...without any bodily injury provoking it...... but the number of times I had been in two places at the same time...able to have thought-forms yet not able to speak or really move. I felt the thought......."this must be like dying."and "remembered", how many times I had said that to myself as well, while traveling in the other realms, but still enough HERE to know that I was "traveling".

I then heard..."the only difference is...you always come back..."

I did always come back. Even when it felt like I was being squeezed through a wormhole...or divided in a slinky-like manner...to travel more "efficiently". And when I doubted my return at all...I always returned. And when I doubted that I could return in one piece, well... I returned. That's all I am sure of.

I started to feel how it might be when one day, when I go and do not come back. I felt no fear regarding that day. I only felt anxiety when I re-sensed the pain or nausea. My body was troubled, but generally...I was enjoying the trip. I wondered how far I could go today...and still come back, and how this event may be different because of the way it was initiated. Mary breaking in my hand...following the MOTHER work I was doing.

I felt more thoughts...

"Wow, I could see Fred again. Sam and I could fly around and peek into the EARTH changes. The faces of more friends on the other side flashed before me.
Would I "visit" my friends here..and would they be able to contact me, like we now communicate with those who have gone before? (And by the way...this all happened about an hour before...a Cross-over Circle"was going to take place, right in my living room!!)

Then... I felt the idea..."Would I see my mother there and would we like each other now?"

For an instant... I felt the wholeness and the LOVE that resides on the other side, while in my mind's eye I caught another glimpse of my blood mixed with the water in the sink...swirling around Mary. I remembered how, as a child, SPIRIT was more real then humans. And somehow, from the age of seven..I knew I had a mother, bigger and brighter in Spirit than my earthly mother. I felt some sadness in my cells with that idea.
And then I heard..."BLOOD relations, IT IS ALL THE SAME"

AFTER A LOT OF COLD WATER & MANY DROPS OF RESCUE REMEDY,
I began to come back...fully. Again, like I always do. And this time in ONE piece.
I felt it.

Finally I could tell my friend on what exactly I cut myself. I think we both laughed...and I think we both wanted to cry.

I was compelled to...after some energy work done by another friend and some further first aid, to play on the keyboard. MUSIC, remember? Bandaged finger and all, still throbbing and still bleeding a bit, I played.
I felt the emotions fall away...draining through my arms and hands as I played yet another mysterious melody. From whence it came, Who knows?

Something had happened. It's happened before. It will happen again. Whatever it takes for me to get through the layers of whatever it is I am holding onto...will be presented.

I would so appreciate it...if when these things happen...I would not have to feel such pain.
I would not spurt blood.
I would not come back feeling like I am splintered...and broken.
I am hoping that I have enough "evidence" of the other realms...that I do not have to manifest it in my body as trauma ...or emotional hurt.

And certainly, I want to be open enough to have the revelations, the insights and the healing without having to hurt myself...in body or mind.

And yet...I am grateful for the opportunity to be more whole.
To again be witness to the miracle of the LIGHT
And...to come to terms with myself.
Because, apparently, I have little fear about "going and not coming back."
And even though my choice is to stay around for a long time...
I am apprehensive about "staying and being in pain."

Something did happen. I cannot name it. Sometimes, things need to be dismantled... "dis-membered", I guess...so you can put the pieces back in place...where they are supposed to be.
The collage..created with afew"pieces" of my childhood with my mother feels more complete now.
And something...that needed to be healed is at least...well on it's way to being RE-membered.

In conclusion, I would like to share with you these words that were "recited" to me by a brother of LIGHT, from the other realm, last summer.

"Heart of my Heart

You will suffer no more;

For you have found peace in

the fragility of Life."

And so it is.
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P.S. My finger appears to be...OK. Although not highly alarming...there are still some symptoms that lead me to believe
that a nerve has been touched.

The plot thickens.

We can rediscover the Shekhinah throughout Jewish text, throughout history, and throughout the natural world. God in the Bible is sometimes mother eagle and sometimes Holy Wisdom crying out in the streets. In the Talmud and midrash, the Divine is sometimes portrayed as a nursing mother or as the (female) twin of Israel. In the Zohar, there are multiple feminine God-images, such as Binah (understanding), also known as Immah Ilaah (the higher mother), who is called the womb and palace of creation, the fountain of understanding, the well of souls. Then there is Lilith, a mythic figure whom the tradition demonized but who for some is the embodiment of sexuality and freedom.
We also cannot forget that the images and stories of the Shekhinah are connected to traditions of the Divine feminine around the world, from the ancient goddess Inanna, who is described as a warrior for her people just as the Shekhinah is in the Zohar; to the Virgin Mary, who is an intercessor in matters of Divine judgment like the Shekhinah; to Kuan Yin of Asia, who embodies compassion for those who suffer, just as the Shekhinah does. Jews have been afraid to acknowledge the Shekhinah’s relationship to goddesses and goddess-like images because of the traditional Jewish prohibition against idolatry. Yet to deny our connection to the Divine feminine as it is expressed and loved by others is to deny our connection to the human, and feminine, religious experience, and to render invisible some of the sources of our own spirituality.

The Shekhinah, Jill Hammer

http://www.bartleby.com/65/sh/Shekinah.html

Heart

December/2007

10/31/07

9/21/07

9/19/07

ASCENSION/DESCENSION

5/3/07

4/17/07

SHEKHINAH

3/25/07

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